This post is a response from a survey I sent out on motherhood (See Intro)

My Thoughts on Motherhood…

by Julie Lemke

1. Why did you decide to become a mom? Did pressure or guilt play a role in your decision to become a mom? How did you deal with it?

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I also wanted to go to law school & had already done well on the Law School Admissions Test when I became engaged . We decided that we would have a baby before my last year- thinking that an infant who naps a lot would be easier to balance studies with than a toddler who runs around. The 1^st year we were married, we attended a BYU married ward. There was a lot of pressure to join the bandwagon & have children right away. However, we had carefully considered our plan & had prayed about it. So, whenever I felt pressure to get pregnant (either from my own desires for a baby or pressure from others), I reminded myself that I was following the path I had prayed about. Once we moved to attend law school, I no longer felt pressure to have a baby because I wasn’t surrounded by tons of young couples with babies.

We had our 1^st baby as planned- just before my last year of law school. We’d been married for 3 years when he joined our family and I am grateful for those few years just with my husband. We had a lot of fun. I LOVE being a mom, but I’m glad I took time first to attain a good education and to nurture a very solid foundation in my marriage before adding onto that.

2. Is being a mom what you imagined it would be? What is different?

I imagined being a mom would be like a never-ending babysitting job. And frankly, that worried me because although I enjoyed being around children, “babysitting indefinitely” didn’t sound exciting or fulfilling. But, mothering is so much better than babysitting. First of all, I have far more love and, therefore, patience for my own children. It’s also so much more rewarding because you have the greatest role in shaping them.

3. How has being a mom changed your life for the better?

I have more love, greater patience, less selfishness, a deeper connection with & appreciation for my husband, increased admiration for my own parents, and a more complete understanding of the love God feels for me. Plus, my kids are so cute and so funny. They make me smile everyday!

4. How has being a mom changed your life in a negative manner?

My house is messier. And that’s a big sacrifice for me because I love order and serenity. But, I know that someday my house will be clean and quiet and my heart will long to hear race car noises coming from a living room filled with 239 race cars and 1 happy little boy OR 2 shelves worth of DVDs strewn throughout the room and 1 sweet little girl declaring “I ‘anta watch Dora.”

5. How do you balance being a mom and being ‘you’? (ie: pursuing school, career, hobbies, etc.)

I love to cook, read, decorate my house, go for walks, talk to my family, and garden. I get to do all those things, but not all the time. But, the same is true for any stage of life- you can have or do ANYTHING you want in life, but you can’t have or do EVERYTHING you want. You have to make choices and prioritize.

I think of my life in stages. I got my education first. Now I have my family. At 30, I have lots of years left to have a career. (Many women work until they’re 70!) But, I only have a few short years with my children being small. I spend as much time as I can enjoying them. What I recommend for balance… an involved husband who is willing to take the kids to give you a chance to study, work, develop your talents, or just enjoy some time alone.

6. If financial struggles were a part of your early parenting years, how did you deal with that? How did it affect your decision?

Our 1^st baby was born while my husband and I were both attending law school. I love to extol the virtues of Federal Student loans. (I had a full-tuition scholarship, but we still needed money for rent, insurance, food, etc.) We shopped at thrift stores, rented the most affordable apartment we could find, and comparison shopped for everything (just in case you are wondering, Wal-mart’s “parents choice” brand diapers are the best deal and work just fine.) Also, my husband worked part-time and when our old car needed a new transmission, our parents helped us out. We paid our tithing & we made it through. But, everyone has to find their own solutions. Some of the other married law students received food stamps and housing subsidies. I’m sure we would have qualified for that level of assistance, but we liked being as independent as possible and got by living in smaller apartments, only having 1 car, and eating less steak than they did.

I should also mention that my sweet visiting teacher watched my baby for 6-8 hours/ week while I was in class and never charged me. She was an angel in my life & I still appreciate her service and try to repay her by helping other moms.

Finances still play a role in parenting decisions. Before having our 3^rd child, I thought we didn’t have space in our 2-bedroom townhouse nor the money to pay for the delivery since we didn’t have maternity coverage with our insurance plan. But, I was struck by a quote I heard in a broadcast regarding parenting- “you don’t have children with money, you have them with faith.” So, we looked into the option of homebirth, which was less expensive and a wonderful experience and we are making space just fine for our new baby. Things are working out great. We feel very blessed!

7. What is most challenging about being a mom and how do you handle those challenges?

For me, the greatest challenge is having faith that the Lord will protect them.

Tags: Childbirth, Faith, Marriage, Money, Motherhood, Parenthood //