A few weeks ago, Cal and I were asked to give talks in church. We were assigned the topic of ‘families,’ and we’ve decided to post parts of our research here for discussion.
The part I am writing about today, I almost didn’t include in my talk. It didn’t exactly ‘fit’ smoothly, so I ended up throwing it in at the end. I’m so glad I did! Several people discussed it with me, after the fact, saying it was something they had never heard or thought of in regards to marriage.
This last year, I have been studying from a book on personal revelation by Gerald Lund. It is, in my opinion, the best, most comprehensive, and personal book there is on the subject. Personal revelation is so…complicated. It is a powerful form of communication, therefore it obviously must be a dedicated, sincere process.
Now add to this very delicate process, your spouse. Can you say ‘more complicated?!’ At least that’s how I viewed it for so many years. Receiving personal revelation on my own is hard enough. It takes time to develop that tender relationship between you and the Lord, and to learn how you communicate together. Now try and bring another person into the mix, and try to receive direction for your family together.
Add to it: 1 dose of sensitivity, 1/2 cup of stubbornness, 1 cup of ‘previous baggage,’ 2 shakes of doubt, 1 tsp of fear, 1 package of unknown factors, and 3 cups of blind love. NOW what do we have?!
I love Gerald Lund’s book because it takes ‘complication’ out of this process. It is actually quite simple. When I read the following account in his book, I immediately wrote in the margin, ‘How a couple should receive revelation together.’ It was like a light went on in my head. I read it to Cal over the phone, and since that day, we have been led, together, in some pretty amazing directions.
I’ll let Gerald’s words stand for themselves. Here he has just described the process of calling a new Stake President. Two General Authorities go into an area they have little knowledge of (and sometimes they don’t even speak the language!). Within 24 hours, they have called and sustained the man the Lord has for this calling. Sometimes the process of receiving this revelation is direct. Sometimes it is subtle. Sometimes it comes only after meeting with them several times, and sometimes without meeting the person at all. But each time, the two General Authorities come together to make a decision, each having had their own personal witness.
“When the interviews have been completed, the two authorities close the door and spend time together reviewing their experiences. They go over the list of names again. They share thoughts and feelings they may have had during the process. They discuss impressions that have come. This fits another scriptural model on how to receive personal revelation. Oliver Cowdry was told that it was not enough to simply ask the Lord for an answer. He was to study it out in his mind, and then ask the Lord if his decision was right. Then would come a confirmation, either as a stupor of thought or a burning in the bosom (see D&C 9:8-9).
In some cases, this discussion may last only a few minutes because both authorities have a clear conviction about who the person is to be. In other instances, there may be no such feelings with either of them, and a more prolonged discussion is required to let the feelings and impressions come. Though it doesn’t happen often, there are times when they receive no confirmation about any of the men they have met. In such cases other names are sought and further interviews are conducted. But whatever particular route the process may take, the two brethren who have the assignment constantly search their own mind and heart. They look inward, reviewing feelings they have had or thoughts that have come to them.
During this private consultation process (or studying it out in their minds), eventually the two brethren come to a consensus. They reach a joint decision. At that point, they kneel together in prayer and put their decision before the Lord. Typically, each prays individually, placing the chosen name before the Lord and asking the Lord “if it be right” (D&C 9:8). When the prayers are finished, they briefly sit, quietly looking inward, searching their heart and listening for that still small voice of confirmation. When it is clear they are in complete harmony on the matter, they invite the chosen person back and extend the call.” Hearing the Voice of the Lord, by Gerald Lund, p.56
Wow! I think his description stands on it’s own. Now there’s a recipe that we can follow. There is one ingredient that without, this recipe will fail. Humility. Humility to go to the Lord, humility to accept any answer, humility to accept that maybe your spouse was ‘right,’ humility to carry out received revelation- even though it is different than you expected, humility to show gratitude for His generosity, humility to give credit of success where credit is due, humility to keep coming back for further direction…
For years, Cal and I did not function this way. It’s hard to say what we missed out on and where we went wrong. What matters, is that as soon as we started practicing receiving answers together in this way, our lives did a 180. Here’s to a life together of revelation- individually, and together.
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