Several years ago I was attending UNLV as a vocal performance major. At the beginning of the semester I met another student who was a piano performance major and shared my passion for music. Since I was in need of an accompanist and he was required to find a vocal major to accompany, we teamed up and worked hard preparing and performing in several concerts and performance classes. We found that in music tastes we had a lot in common and through the course of the semester became good friends.

One day while we were practicing he asked me an unexpected question. He had learned that I was a Mormon through several of our conversations and asked “Why is it that the Mormon church makes such a big deal about gay people?” I could tell by his manner that there was some weight to this question, not a mere curiosity.

At that age I really hadn’t ever given that question any thought. All I knew was that the position of the Apostles and Presidency of the church was that homosexuality is wrong. Having accepted them as leaders and having no personal desires toward homosexuality I had never really needed to question that position.

As we concluded our practice session, our conversation continued and he told me of a friend of his who was Mormon but was gay. My accompanist couldn’t understand why this other young man’s parents and church leaders were giving him such a hard time about it.

I tried to answer by explaining the church’s position and expressing my belief in a prophet leading the church, but this did not seem to satisfy an obvious deep rooted concern my friend had as to why that lifestyle was condemned.

As his impassioned discussion on the subject grew in intensity he suddenly told me that the reason he wanted to know was because he too was homosexual and the other young man he was talking about was his partner.

He explained the distress the young man felt at not being accepted by his parents and church leaders and how unfair it was that he should be made to feel that way about it since obviously God had made him that way.

Well, that was a theological debate I was unprepared for altogether. I realized that whatever I did say now was not just in regard to an absent third party, but would have direct implications on the deep rooted personal feelings of my friend.

As I wondered how to respond, he said something that caught my attention. He said “How is it fair that people who are heterosexual should have everything they want and people that are homosexual should suffer and go without?” That question suddenly sparked a thought that put things in perspective in my mind.

I grew up as a young man in Las Vegas, the city of sin–I was well acquainted with sexual attraction and temptation and, like many of the young men I grew up with, had been fighting my own fantasies and desires all of my life. I knew what it was to physically long for a relationship I fundamentally believed conflicted with my potential for a far distant and better future.

As a freshman in college I could scarcely even glimpse what that future was, and the descriptions I had gathered in bits and pieces at church seemed a lot less exciting than many of the worldly pleasures that surrounded me. All I knew was a vague promise that I would be far happier if I chose to obey God’s commandments than I could ever imagine.

In that moment of trying to think of an answer to my friend’s question, it suddenly occurred to me that someday my choice of a wife would be from among the simple, genuine types of women whose attractiveness would appeal to more than just sexual pleasure; but would mostly shine from an inner decision to sacrifice their own worldly desires in favor of eternity. My candidates for an eternal mate would not include the wonton, seductive, promiscuous females who didn’t believe in god’s commandments but who dedicated themselves to being worshipped by men.

My attraction to females of this sort had often been powerfully overwhelming. But the type of woman willing to give up the things of the world in order to put eternity first would never dress or act like the girls I had always found sexually attractive. I don’t pretend to understand fully the perspective of a person with homosexual desires, but I could easily argue that my sexual attraction to beautiful but worldly women was just as strong-did that mean God made me that way? Whatever the answer to that question, did that mean He wanted me to remain that way? I realized that someday I too would be faced with the choice of eternal family, or ultimate sexual attraction.

If I intended to believe the prophets and make it to eternity with a family, I would have to choose a life of suppression; and as a majority of heterosexual men can attest and history has proven, attempting to suppress this kind of attraction can be extremely daunting. Even my hopes of someday shutting off the desire to “look around” after marriage were dashed when a friend’s father, a deeply faithful church leader, explained that the sexual drive never goes away, you have to control it. My natural attraction to the physical appearance of certain types of women might always be a potential threat.

So how was I to be able to let go of my most powerful attractions and find pleasure in a suppressed life? The point is that I wasn’t able to do this on my own. I wanted to do what was right for years but I struggled to decide fully that I was willing to really put eternity first. When I finally acknowledged to the Lord that I sincerely wanted to put eternal life first but was struggling to let go of worldly desires, I learned something I had never known before; His power to change the completely willing soul is extraordinary.

There is a way to change so that your greatest desires are in line with what He wants for you, but it does not come until you first believe and then ask for it, because you really want it more than anything, sincerely acknowledging that His is the only power that can accomplish it.

If you’ve been struggling with something your whole life and have repeatedly failed in your attempts to overcome it, I have a hint for you: give up–you can’t. How much longer will you ignore the teachings of countless prophets, including the Lord himself, to stop putting your trust in the arm of flesh and instead humbly turn to Him in faith, believing that you’ll receive, so that He can make your weaknesses become strong?

Whatever your strengths, you are guaranteed to have weaknesses you cannot overcome on your own. If you didn’t, you would have no need for the Lord. The major test of this life isn’t how much you can overcome on your own, it’s whether or not you’ll be one of the few who consciously turn themselves over to Him to fix all the things they can’t.

In the end, the requirement for a person with homosexual desires will be no different than any of the rest of us-we have to be willing to give up EVERYTHING we are clinging onto in this world to begin to truly receive the change necessary to achieve what He is willing to give us.

If this sounds extreme or fanatical, I encourage you go back to the scriptures and teachings of modern prophets, and ask yourself if the people bearing their testimony to you have done any less. I encourage you to ask yourself if the other believers they describe in their testimonies who actually witnessed the power of God in their lives did any less. Joseph Smith said “A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation; for, from the first existence of man, the faith necessary unto the enjoyment of life and salvation never could be obtained without the sacrifice of all earthly things. It was through this sacrifice, and this only, that God has ordained that men should enjoy eternal life” (Lectures on Faith)

In my case, first He helped me re-orient my priorities. I did my best to follow the simple commandments I could keep daily (real prayer and scripture study, etc.), and felt an abundance of His power in my life protecting me and directly helping me to progress (if you’re currently struggling in despair with something you’re trying to overcome, then don’t do yourself the disservice of glossing over the previous sentence and assuming you know what I’m talking about because you’ve heard it in church your whole life. The reason you’re still struggling is because you heard it as pretty words instead of a description of something literal that reaches down from Heaven, grabs you by both ends, straightens you out, and makes you sit there and wonder with awe that there is a being out there with that much power. I guarantee you there are many who throw those phrases around, but a lot less who actually know what they mean). The closer I came to him, I found myself more and more attracted to the girls who shared my same understanding of purpose and conviction to live it. They even began to look physically more attractive while the women of the world began to appear dirty, shallow, and selfish.

Close to the lord, and with the constant companionship of the spirit, I started being able to discern the women who shone from inside in accompaniment with their physical attractiveness, while the women of the world, with all their sensuality, pride, and revealing clothing began to appear empty, blind, and dark.

When I eventually met my wife, what I saw was electrifying. She was attractive both to my eyes and my spirit–enough that once we had gotten to know each other, I wanted to spend the rest of my eternity with her.

My sexual attraction to these types of women is nothing like the attraction I now have for my wife. My attraction to her is far more complete, embracing all aspects of love and romance, and no one else fits those dreams anymore but her. I’m not attracted to anyone else like I am to her. We share the most powerful and unique magnetic bond that stems from repeated experience that, even having passed through extremely difficult times, we are committed to the other’s happiness before anything else in this world, and that the Lord recognizes, approves, and defends our union. Whatever this world tries to do to us, we will dance again in eternity - and we know it without any question.

Does this sound suppressed?

What’s even more exciting is the fact that the Lord has worked this same miracle of change in thousands, if not millions, of faithful and desiring Latter Day Saints who have actually figured out what the gospel really means–some of whom have struggled for years with same gender attraction (Beth and I are in the process of getting permission to post one such experience soon).

Without so many words, I explained to my university friend these basic principles. Although it seemed to satisfy at least his understanding of where Mormons were coming from, I’ll never know what affect, if any, it had on him.

But for me, the realization I made that day went far beyond the question of homosexuality and helped me begin to understand that in order to experience the most happiness in and after this life, everyone will have to choose to trust God and obey His commandments over their natural desires. No one is exempt. No one is able to follow the urges of the natural man and obtain the same satisfaction as those that seek the power of God in their life, and then find themselves attracted to something better.

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